Even after five and a half long years without Rebecca our hearts still ache with longing for our dear daughter and sister. We have accepted the reality of Rebecca’s death although always aware of the hole left in our hearts. We accept the merciless waves of grief that will forever unexpectedly consume us but thankfully, these overwhelming surges of sadness that come with such a vengeance, do so less frequently. Beautiful memories of Rebecca fill our time as we move forward in our new reality.
“Tis better to have loved and lost,
Than never to have loved at all”.
These famous words by Lord Alfred Tennyson have new meaning to us. We hold so close to our hearts the gift given to us of Rebecca’s short life. We will forever focus on this gift of her life. It has transformed our family into one of hope – a hope that has given us strength to continue living with our life-altering loss. We now are able to choose how we live in this world without Rebecca. New memories and stories of love, hope, triumphs, rewards and much happiness have emerged out of our new relationship with her, a relationship in which her presence is so intimately felt.
We are truly blessed also in our family with the gift of each other. Paul and I cherish the tremendous joy our two sons Phil and Dave and Dave’s soul-mate Courtney, bring to our lives everyday.
Our journey of hope has been one of searching for purpose and understanding. I don’t believe the understanding will ever come but losing Rebecca has altered the path of our lives. There is our life before losing Rebecca and our life after losing Rebecca. We strive to have our new destinations and new reasons for being in this world honorable. Through our endeavors to integrate Rebecca’s loss into our lives we attempt to honor her memory by making the difference in the world she did not have the opportunity to achieve. Her choice to focus on life, even when she knew her life was ending taught each one of us the importance of living each day to the fullest, acknowledging those we love and accepting with grace and dignity those things we cannot change.
Our lives have been transformed. The new path of meaning in our lives continues to unfold. Through the kindness, encouragement and support of family, friends and co-workers who have been so instrumental in our healing, we have channeled our loss into founding a charity, Rebecca’s Hope for Leukemia Research at Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto. Through the charity we strive to “give back” to the dedicated doctors, nurses, researchers and support staff that cared so lovingly for Rebecca during her year long time at Princess Margaret.
Each grief journey is different and each one of us strives to honor Rebecca in their own unique way. Paul has run two marathons, raising much needed funds for continued research into blood cancers with the Leukemia and Lymphoma “Team in Training”.
Phil and Dave, with their youthful energy, with their passion and dedication continue to forge ahead down their chosen paths to reach their goals. Phil has rooted himself in a journey of artistic expression. He co-wrote and directed a feature film about his, and naturally Rebecca’s, own generation. The film celebrates the spirit of youth while exploring the unique hardships that this generation faces.
Dave, after a brief time trying his hand in the business world, discovered his true life goal was to become a lawyer. He has immersed himself into pursuing this dream and has recently completed his first year of Law School in Australia, combining the experience of another culture with his education. Phil and Dave are creating their own paths of purpose, meaning and happiness.
I am no longer an elementary school educator. Following Rebecca’s death I began volunteering at Princess Margaret Hospital in a variety of roles. I also volunteer with Bereaved Families of Ontario to support newly bereaved parents as they begin their grief work.
We have come to realize that Rebecca’s death has ended her life, but it has not ended our relationship with her. It is our love for her that leaves us with beautiful memories and as Thomas Campbell, (Hallowed Ground) wrote,
“To live in hearts we leave behind, Is not to die”.
“You can shed tears that they are gone or you can smile because they have lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that they’ll come back or you can open your eyes and see all they have left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see them or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember them and only that they are gone or you can cherish their memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or, you can do what they would want: Smile, open your eyes, love and go on! (Anonymous)
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